Making the decision to end a relationship can be more challenging than actually ending it. This is true whether you’re thinking about leaving your spouse, quitting your job, or selling your house. And if you’re indecisive by nature, the choice can be brutal.

Every single time I start a divorce mediation, my clients tell me that they want things to be fair. It’s a lofty goal, because the decision to end the relationship almost always starts out one-sided. Someone wants to call it quits and is in the driver’s seat, at least at first. So I’ll ask the driver, “what’s your definition of ‘fair’?” And then I’ll ask the passenger the same question. “An equal division of our assets and of our liabilities” is by far the most popular answer