How Do I Know If Divorce Is the Right Decision?

This is one of the most difficult questions anyone will ever ask themselves. Unfortunately, no coach, attorney, therapist, friend, or family member can answer it for you.

Only you can decide whether to stay in your marriage or leave it.

What I can tell you is that sometimes we become so accustomed to our circumstances that we stop seeing them clearly. We normalize behaviors, accept unhappiness, and convince ourselves that "this is just how marriage is.” I know this because I looked for the positive in my situation and stayed for 27 years. Some of the things I would tell myself are, “he provides for us”, “he means well, but just doesn’t know how to love us”, or “at least we are all healthy”. Why do we let this be the standard that we accept?

One exercise I often suggest is to imagine your son or daughter came to you and described a relationship exactly like yours.

* Would you want this relationship for them?
* Would you want them to be treated the way you're being treated?
* Would you want them to feel the way you feel most days?
* Would you encourage them to stay and continue trying?
* Or would your heart break for them because you know they deserve more?

As parents, we often have more compassion for our children than we do for ourselves. This hit home for me, and this is when I knew I needed to get off the teetering and make a change. We can clearly see when someone we love is settling for less than they deserve, yet struggle to recognize it in our own lives.

This isn't about expecting a perfect marriage. Every relationship has challenges, disagreements, and seasons that require work. Take a good look at your specific situation and answer the following questions honestly.

* Is there still mutual respect?
* Is there emotional safety?
* Are both people willing to work on the relationship?
* Can trust be rebuilt?
* Is the relationship helping me become my best self, or causing me to lose myself?

Another question to consider is:

If nothing changed in this marriage over the next five years, would I be content staying?

Not hopeful that things might change.
Not waiting for promises to be fulfilled.

If everything stayed exactly as it is today, would that future be acceptable to you?

Many people already know the answer in their hearts. The challenge is finding the courage to acknowledge it.

Whether you ultimately choose to stay or leave, the goal is to make a thoughtful, informed decision, not one driven by fear, guilt, pressure from others, or temporary emotions.

The right decision is the one that aligns with your values, your well-being, and the life you want to create for yourself and your children.

Remember that choosing yourself is not selfish. Sometimes the greatest gift you can give your children is showing them what self-respect, healthy boundaries, and courage look like.

After 27 years in an unhealthy marriage, I finally found the courage to walk away. Five years later, I am thriving, and so are the children. I help my clients find their footing again and help them find their path to their next chapter. Yes, I believe in marriage, but not at all costs, and the cost became too high for me to stay.
​