Creating Peace, Not Pressure: Co-Parenting the Holidays
Holidays have a way of amplifying everything. The magic feels brighter, the logistics feel heavier, and the emotions tend to sit right at the surface.
For co-parents, this season can bring up a mix of excitement, grief, guilt, joy, hope, frustration, and everything in between. And if you are feeling that cocktail of emotions, you are not alone.
Over the years working with co-parents, I have noticed something powerful. Holidays are not challenging because you are doing anything wrong. They are challenging because they represent what used to be and what now has to be different.
But different does not mean broken. Different can actually mean intentional, calmer, and more connected if we approach it thoughtfully.
Here are some shifts I encourage co-parents to make during the holiday season.
Start With the “Why,” Not the “When”
Most disagreements around holidays are not really about the schedule. They are about meaning.
Before diving into calendars, take a step back and ask yourself:
What do I want my kids to feel during the holidays? Loved? Connected? Calm? Included?
When you start with the emotional goal, the logistics become easier. You stop trying to “win” the holiday and start focusing on shaping an experience your kids will carry with them long after they are grown.
Make Space for Grief and Joy to Coexist
One of the biggest gifts you can give yourself, and by extension your kids, is permission to feel multiple things at once.
You can miss the old version of the holidays and still create beautiful new ones.
You can feel sad about not having the kids on a certain day and still enjoy your time for rest, friends, or family.
Kids benefit when parents model emotional honesty without placing the weight on them. A simple “I miss you, and I am excited for you to have fun with Dad or Mom too” gives them space to enjoy the season without guilt.
Build Rituals Around Connection, Not a Date on the Calendar
I tell parents all the time that kids do not remember the date. They remember the feeling.
Your holiday magic does not have to be tied to the 24th or the 25th.
It is not tied to who gets the morning or who gets the dinner.
You can bake cookies on December 22.
You can open presents on December 28.
You can have a holiday breakfast in pajamas in the middle of January if you want to.
Traditions become special because you make them special, not because the calendar dictates it.
Give Your Kids a Calm Story to Hold Onto
Kids pick up on tone, not just words. One of the most powerful things you can do during the holidays is to give them a narrative that brings comfort.
Something like:
“This year looks a little different, but you get to celebrate with both of us and we both love you so much.”
Or
“You are not being split. You are being celebrated in two places.”
The story parents tell often becomes the story kids repeat later in life.
Plan for Your Own Well-Being Too
Many co-parents forget that their emotional needs matter during the holidays. A dysregulated parent often creates a dysregulated household.
Ask yourself what you need this season to feel grounded.
Who can you lean on?
What support can you build in?
Sometimes the best thing you can do for your co-parenting relationship is to take care of your own emotional load first.
Remember That Long-Term Peace Matters More Than Short-Term Preferences
Holiday co-parenting is not a one-year situation. It is a long-term invitation to model cooperation, compassion, and resilience.
You are not just managing a schedule. You are shaping how your children will remember the holidays and their childhood.
Every calm conversation matters.
Every flexible moment matters.
Every time you choose the relationship over the argument, you are planting seeds your kids will appreciate one day.
Holidays can feel tender and complicated when you are co-parenting, and that is okay. But they can also be a time of unexpected joy, healing, and new beginnings.
You get to show your children that families can look different and still be loving.
You get to show them that traditions can evolve and still hold meaning.
You get to show them that change can be the start of something beautiful.
And if this season is feeling heavy, you do not have to navigate it alone. A little support and perspective can make the entire experience feel calmer, lighter, and much more doable.
If you want help creating a holiday plan that feels peaceful for both you and your kids, I am here.
By Angie Weber